Good Manners Meeting People

Good manners simply means treating other people as we'd like to be treated ourselves. 

After reading through my last post I realise that using your mobile whilst having a meal with others is not very good manners and so I've decided to put together short course on basic good manners and etiquette. In the week I listened to a programme on the radio about etiquette across the world and was surprised to learn how many schools for etiquette there are around the world, all teaching English good manners. 

Here is my first video covering meeting people. There's nothing special about this but so many people get it wrong. Good manners is common sense. So when you met someone offer your hand to them, keeping your hand held forward vertically, not facing down or up. Take their hand and shake 3 or 4 times not vigorously or weakly but with a firm grip. Look them in the eye and tell them your name. For example "Pleased to meet you. I'm Mike, Mike Leahy" use that format so you say your first name twice. They'll remember better and feel more relaxed in calling you by by your first name. In the UK you normally stand about a metre apart and everyone feels comfortable. Interestingly in Japan people stand much closer together, probably because people live in closer proximity: whilst in Australia people stand further apart in general and stretch their arms forward. 

 

When you are having a conversation don't hog the talking, in fact use the art of listening. Listen to the other person and take in what they are saying. Don't let your mind wander. Be interested, agree or disagree as appropriate and ask questions. Don't interrupt but always wait for the other person to finish. 

If someone else joins you and you know them , then introduce them to the rest of the group. You might add something personal like "This is John, we work together". If strangers come to join the group then make sure they are included. 

Always speak well of others. Don't gossip. If you talk badly of others then people will think "Are they going to bad mouth me when I'm gone?" And if you can't think of anything good to say then shut up. 

If you have any comments or questions use the comment box at the bottom. And if there are any questions about etiquette write them down and I'll try to answer here on the blog.  

Life Skills that enhance Life

Hi Everyone

Seems to me there are two types of life skills and both are valuable in our future success.

The first set of life skills are defined by Ellen Galinsky, based on the ideas of the French psychologist Jean Piaget, who is generally recognized as the father of developmental psychology charting how children grow mentally from babies through being toddlers to school.

These skills are Focus and Self-Control, Perspective Taking, Communicating,Making Connections, Critical Thinking,Taking on Challenges and finally Self-Directed, Engaged Learning.

These are all skills that we should learn as children to help us succeed in life. So, for example we should learn focus and self-control so that we can concentrate on what we are doing and not be distracted.

Unfortunately we are now in an age where this self control and focus is diminishing in many cases and you can see this with that device we all carry now - the mobile phone. Have you noticed how so many people are distracted by their phones during conversation and at meal-time for example. And this now covers all ages and intelligence levels. Go to a restaurant and watch the diners. Usually conversation has died and it's not unusual for everyone at a table to be texting, reading messages or talking on their phones. And this of course not only demonstrates the lack of focus and self control but shows a lack of common good manners to the others they are dining with.

Likewise YouTube clam that most people will switch from any video they are watching after about a minute, and anything longer than 3 minutes had better be absolutely riveting to retain any interest. 

So by learning how to focus and how to have self-control, and then being able to put this into practice can put you head and shoulders above the rest. But this not only works for whatever we are doing at the moment but also achieving what we want in the future. For how can you succeed if you have a goal but can't focus long enough to take the steps necessary to achieve it?

The last skill in this list is self-directed self-learning skills that will enable us to undertake work, to carry out practical jobs in our social environment and to be increase our interlect through creative skills, all of which we can learn. And in general get a direction to our future.

So it is recognised that we live in an ever changing world where there is no job for life, where our social lives are continually evolving. And this has changed dramatically just in the last 30 years or so. When I left school everyone said get a job in a bank, as a teacher, in local government and you've got a job for life with a good pension. And many of my peers did just that. And now they've retired with their pension and, in many cases their lives continue to be a regular routine that hasn't changed through the years. I read that over 85% of the population are unhappy at work so for many its been a lifetime of over 80,000 hours of unhappiness or at the very least boredom and unfulfillment. Many have taken up hobbies that have become absorbing and filled the void from being unhappy at work but not all.

Now we live in a different world. A world with more opportunities, A world where you can achieve anything that is physically possible. I'm not saying that you can do anything. It's highly unlikely you'll become a premier league footballer if you have a physical disability that prevents this: its unlikely you'll be able to fly without wings. But there is nothing to stop you becoming a millionaire, a university professor, a top artist or writer. You just need the life skills to achieve this. focus and self control to start with and the knowledge to carry out your ambition. If you want to be an artist then you need to learn to draw and paint. Looking back at the greats is inspirational. We look at all the artists of old and most had an apprenticeship where they nay have worked with a master artist for years learning how to paint hands or eyes, clouds or water. And only when they mastered these skills did they move on to create works themselves. 

Now this is becoming simple. We don't need vast shelves of  encyclodepeas because its all on the internet. You can find anything online. I believe that books are invaluable and I've quite a library including how-to books and classics; and I read frequently but this is just one resource. I still like the feel of books and settling down to read is relaxing and can help me switch off from general life for a while. But there are so many more resources online for an immediate answer.

So you can learn anything for free. But to learn about a specific subject such as photography or gardening, cake-making or a new language then I highly recommend

enrolling in a paid course. There are courses on every subject under the sun and the benefits are that you will be taught by a professional in a planned learning schedule. All the information will be together so you wont waste time on searching it out, and the information should be accurate so you won't have to decide what is correct or otherwise. And finally you'll be able to ask questions and set up a dialogue should you wish. 

Learn a new skill today. Find a course that covers something you want to learn or do and feel the satisfaction when you finish.

Here are my courses. Click on the image to go to the website