Public Speaking - Is this your Fear?

Hi Friends

Speaking in public takes many forms. You could be on a TV or radio chatshow, running a webinar online or seminar offline, it might be a speech at a wedding, work event like a presentation or when a colleague retires, it could be just in a

group at the pub where you want to make an announcement. making videos for an online course is another situation which isn't actually speaking in public but does feel like that when you start.  We have probably all had to make a public speech at sometime or another, usually with some time to prepare but occasionally on the spur of the moment. 

Public speaking is an art that you have to learn. An art that is vital in some jobs. An essential as an entrepreneur.  Public speaking can take you to the heights you need to be successful.  But you need to work on this skill. And you must bear in mind that your first time will be a real learning experience, and you will think you were terrible. BUT . . if you ask anyone you trust that was in the audience then you might be pleasantly surprised. They won't have picked up on your nervousness. They won’t have noticed the mistakes or that big chunk you missed out completely because they didn’t know. But listen to what they say and if you think they have valid criticism then try to correct what you did. 

And you’ll learn yourself from the speech. Maybe you couldn’t read what you wrote. Perhaps you didn’t talk up or show enough emotion. So you weren’t prepared for the questions at the end. So let’s look at some good practices.

Research

When I first started running an online TV channel I commissioned an experienced presenter to run a couple of interviews for me. I met her at the railway station and we went for a coffee to talk about the day’s schedule. Then we went to the first interview that we did in a quiet hotel lounge. She sat down with the interviewee who was a local song-writer singer and just spoke with him for a few minutes to put him at ease.

Then she started. It was a positive interview about his career and forthcoming show. As she asked questions it became apparent that she had found out so much about the guy. And she was able to lead him through a really informative 20 minutes.

The same thing happened with the second interview which was with the local Top Cop. She knew about his career and a family outline, so she was able to talk about him as a family man, making it more intimate.

Research is so important and so easy today. Google anyone

who is anyone, and lots of people who aren’t!  Companies, places corporations are all here. And you will come up with enough background to strengthen your speech. You won’t need to use everything but it is useful to know and substantiates your speech. If you have a question and answer session after it will give you rock steady answers. So research.

Tell Them

Remember the old adage. Tell them what you are going to tell them! Tell them! Tell them what you’ve told them!

So at the beginning introduce yourself and tell them what you are going to cover. This sets the tone and is like the forward and table of contents.

Then tell them by giving your speech.

Then conclude by giving a brief overview of what you have covered. This sequence will help them understand, know where you are throughout the talk, and keep you on topic.

Rehearse

I cannot tell you how important this is. You aren’t rehearsing to be word perfect because you will sound wrong. You are rehearsing to feel comfortable, to get the order and words right and to look good. You’ll probably use notes with bullet points to keep you on track. Look at great speakers and see how passionate they are, how the words can spill out or be controlled. It’s because they have rehearsed. Can you imagine an actor learning the script but not attending rehearsals. Or worse thinking they can carry the script during the performance.

Suit the length to the subject content

A speech doesn’t have to be short to be interesting. On YouTube most people get distracted after a couple of minutes because there are distractions, just keep surfing!! But being in an audience listening to an interesting speech is different. There are no distractions.

Don’t overstay your welcome. Make sure the content is relevant and not to fill a time slot. It’s like writing a sales letter. A very long sales letter will be more successful than a short one if every word is important. A long speech will hold the audience if every phrase means something to them.

Voice Inflections and Body Language

Write your speech out and speak it. You will find that some doesn’t sound right, it doesn’t have rhythm. Writing and speaking are different, use different phrases and language. Speaking is generally less formal.

 

Try to alter the pace and volume of your words. You can slow down and almost whisper or shout to keep the audience on the edge of their seats. Often when you do lower your voice the audience leans forward and breath quieter. This can have a real impact. Don’t hurry your words. The listeners often don’t know you so they aren’t used to your voice, and when

people are taking in information they need more time.

Likewise do pause. You will be amazed the effect you have on people when you pause for a few seconds. As an aside try this is conversation, particularly when you ask a question. Wait for the answer and don’t rush in. It always works that you get more than you expected. So pause. It gives the audience time to think, makes them expectant and keeps them interested.

Use Eye Contact

You have your notes but just try not to look at them continuously. Look at the audience. I’d suggest that you don’t let your eyes wonder across the whole audience. 

Concentrate on one or two people, then when you move to the next topic or thought, then concentrate on someone else in another part of the audience. And smile.

You may have a white-board or screen presentation, don’t turn your back. You may have to sometimes but avoid where you can. IF you have a presentation use bullet points, don’t have every word on screen and just read. Likewise keep is simple, no fancy PowerPoint animations because it will distract. If you need this then your speech lacks interest.

Be Humorous

A joke right at the beginning is a great ice-breaker and will build up empathy. Not political, religious or sexual. A joke against yourself is a winner.

You can add in a couple more jokes along the way to keep everyone focussed but don’t spoil your speech by making it a funny throughout, unless it’s intentional and each joke works with your audience.

Being too intense throughout is as bad as too many jokes. Keep the tone light and in tune. Don’t talk down because you are the expert. Remember the definition of an expert. The “Ex” is a deadbeat has been. Whilst the “Spert” is a drip under pressure. Think about that.

Your Learning Experience

Mistakes are good. If nobody else realises you’ve gone wrong, as is normally the case, then you can be pleased. Just learn from your flaws and try to correct them. The only one who doesn’t make mistakes is up there somewhere looking down.

More importantly is list out all the things you did right and build on that. And every time you manage to put a mistake right then add this to your list. Of course it’s important to correct these problems. But the right things will give you a firm base to work from. Like a building, firm foundations keep the house standing, even when there are floods or hurricanes. So work on these points and follow them each time.

Oh. And practise a few situations you may run into. The more you practice in front of a mirror, or friends if anyone is willing, then the better you will become. 

Good luck with any public speaking

 

Start a new habit today - Happiness, Motivated, Accept, Confident

Do you want to be a better person? I guess we would all answer "YES" but what do I have to do? And will I want to do that? And that is the problem for most of us. We set ourselves targets but don't reach them because we give up or don't even start. Look at New Year Resolutions. Lots of us make these at the beginning of the year - go on a diet, do more exercise, take the dog our for longer walks, learn a language, save some money, give up or cut down on alcohol or sugar. We start in earnest but by the end of week one we are already slipping. Week two starts and you are tired after work: can you not go to the gym just today! Ok. It'll be fine. The following week the same happens and in week four you are down to going twice a week. After that you just give up. There are too many other priorities. You have to plan your habit and follow through. The saying is plan your work and work your plan.
The beginning of the year is probably the worse time to start anything. The Spring is the best. Holidays are only a few months or even weeks away, the weather is better for outdoor activities, we want to throw off the winter blues. So Spring is good. And guess what! Its Spring now. So lets put a spring in our step - and in our minds and start.

Max Depree once said that we cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are. If your goal is to become a better person by being a better leader, businessperson,  entrepreneur parent, mentor, friend or teacher, then the first step is to learn to do better. And doing better is something we all can aspire to, wherever we are, whatever we're already doing.

That aspiration--to constantly improve, to always be changing and growing, to keep doing better--is what keeps us moving forward. However successful we already may be, it's how we prepare the way for tomorrow's success. The alternative is a sad one: to look back one day and wish you had done better.

The time to start is today. So I'm suggesting that you start some new habits over the coming weeks. Someone suggested starting a new habit every day for a week but I gave that a go and was finding it difficult by day two!!  A journey starts with a single step. The long haul isn't a sprint then being exhausted and dragging yourself for the rest of the way, or giving up. So I'd suggest starting a new habit weekly.

That might still be a struggle but it does mean 7 new habits in 49 days. And they say do something regularly every day for a month and it will become a habit so after just 4 new habits, the first one will become natural to you. I'm calling this the 49 Steps, a challenge I hope you'll take up with me. Write a comment below and join me on the Facebook page, click here  where you can also comment or write posts. My first video goes up today and here is the text.

Today’s habit is to select your thoughts and changing the way to speak to be optimistic, positive, accepting and happy.

The first thing to do is to start the day listening to something happy. For most people the first thing they see or hear is the TV or radio. And the news pops up with negative bad stuff. National disasters, deaths, loss of jobs, misery. Even when you are listening to a music show the news creeps in. If your first contacts with the outside world are negative then your whole day with start that way.

So I’d suggest selecting your own choice of music and listen to this, either through your home equipment or your mp3 which is probably your smartphone today.

Good music in the mornings has a good beat because this will raise your soul and heart-beat. It will also get you moving faster and feeling positive. Feeling positive will make you be happier in your skin and accept more who and what you are. Feeling positive will make you optimistic. And when you talk to others you will speak to them in a positive optimist way.

If you are a perfectionist you need to think about living for the moment. Think. Is it better to do something that is your best effort but possibly flawed, than strive for perfection, because with some things you will never reach perfection.  And learn from each experience so the next is better and improved. Think! I don’t make mistakes, I have learning experiences that will enhance my appreciation of life, make my next shot better and leave me feeling I have done my best at that moment.

If you just do your best in that moment you can come away feeling that you accept yourself and all your strengths and weaknesses. And you will feel good about yourself.

As you meet others show this new positive side by smiling, greeting them where appropriate and talking in positive way. If the weather is bad say “looks like its going to clear soon” rather than isn’t it awful today.

And listen to yourself. You can think about what you are going to say before your open your mouth. Check and be careful. A recent survey actually showed that we have a better feeling towards others if they talk positively.

And when you speak positively you’ll stand up straighter than  when you are talking negatively.  And first impressions count so give a good first impression.

And make this your new habit that you will use every day from now. Good luck. Please leave a comment.

 

Good Manners Meeting People

Good manners simply means treating other people as we'd like to be treated ourselves. 

After reading through my last post I realise that using your mobile whilst having a meal with others is not very good manners and so I've decided to put together short course on basic good manners and etiquette. In the week I listened to a programme on the radio about etiquette across the world and was surprised to learn how many schools for etiquette there are around the world, all teaching English good manners. 

Here is my first video covering meeting people. There's nothing special about this but so many people get it wrong. Good manners is common sense. So when you met someone offer your hand to them, keeping your hand held forward vertically, not facing down or up. Take their hand and shake 3 or 4 times not vigorously or weakly but with a firm grip. Look them in the eye and tell them your name. For example "Pleased to meet you. I'm Mike, Mike Leahy" use that format so you say your first name twice. They'll remember better and feel more relaxed in calling you by by your first name. In the UK you normally stand about a metre apart and everyone feels comfortable. Interestingly in Japan people stand much closer together, probably because people live in closer proximity: whilst in Australia people stand further apart in general and stretch their arms forward. 

 

When you are having a conversation don't hog the talking, in fact use the art of listening. Listen to the other person and take in what they are saying. Don't let your mind wander. Be interested, agree or disagree as appropriate and ask questions. Don't interrupt but always wait for the other person to finish. 

If someone else joins you and you know them , then introduce them to the rest of the group. You might add something personal like "This is John, we work together". If strangers come to join the group then make sure they are included. 

Always speak well of others. Don't gossip. If you talk badly of others then people will think "Are they going to bad mouth me when I'm gone?" And if you can't think of anything good to say then shut up. 

If you have any comments or questions use the comment box at the bottom. And if there are any questions about etiquette write them down and I'll try to answer here on the blog.  

Life Skills that enhance Life

Hi Everyone

Seems to me there are two types of life skills and both are valuable in our future success.

The first set of life skills are defined by Ellen Galinsky, based on the ideas of the French psychologist Jean Piaget, who is generally recognized as the father of developmental psychology charting how children grow mentally from babies through being toddlers to school.

These skills are Focus and Self-Control, Perspective Taking, Communicating,Making Connections, Critical Thinking,Taking on Challenges and finally Self-Directed, Engaged Learning.

These are all skills that we should learn as children to help us succeed in life. So, for example we should learn focus and self-control so that we can concentrate on what we are doing and not be distracted.

Unfortunately we are now in an age where this self control and focus is diminishing in many cases and you can see this with that device we all carry now - the mobile phone. Have you noticed how so many people are distracted by their phones during conversation and at meal-time for example. And this now covers all ages and intelligence levels. Go to a restaurant and watch the diners. Usually conversation has died and it's not unusual for everyone at a table to be texting, reading messages or talking on their phones. And this of course not only demonstrates the lack of focus and self control but shows a lack of common good manners to the others they are dining with.

Likewise YouTube clam that most people will switch from any video they are watching after about a minute, and anything longer than 3 minutes had better be absolutely riveting to retain any interest. 

So by learning how to focus and how to have self-control, and then being able to put this into practice can put you head and shoulders above the rest. But this not only works for whatever we are doing at the moment but also achieving what we want in the future. For how can you succeed if you have a goal but can't focus long enough to take the steps necessary to achieve it?

The last skill in this list is self-directed self-learning skills that will enable us to undertake work, to carry out practical jobs in our social environment and to be increase our interlect through creative skills, all of which we can learn. And in general get a direction to our future.

So it is recognised that we live in an ever changing world where there is no job for life, where our social lives are continually evolving. And this has changed dramatically just in the last 30 years or so. When I left school everyone said get a job in a bank, as a teacher, in local government and you've got a job for life with a good pension. And many of my peers did just that. And now they've retired with their pension and, in many cases their lives continue to be a regular routine that hasn't changed through the years. I read that over 85% of the population are unhappy at work so for many its been a lifetime of over 80,000 hours of unhappiness or at the very least boredom and unfulfillment. Many have taken up hobbies that have become absorbing and filled the void from being unhappy at work but not all.

Now we live in a different world. A world with more opportunities, A world where you can achieve anything that is physically possible. I'm not saying that you can do anything. It's highly unlikely you'll become a premier league footballer if you have a physical disability that prevents this: its unlikely you'll be able to fly without wings. But there is nothing to stop you becoming a millionaire, a university professor, a top artist or writer. You just need the life skills to achieve this. focus and self control to start with and the knowledge to carry out your ambition. If you want to be an artist then you need to learn to draw and paint. Looking back at the greats is inspirational. We look at all the artists of old and most had an apprenticeship where they nay have worked with a master artist for years learning how to paint hands or eyes, clouds or water. And only when they mastered these skills did they move on to create works themselves. 

Now this is becoming simple. We don't need vast shelves of  encyclodepeas because its all on the internet. You can find anything online. I believe that books are invaluable and I've quite a library including how-to books and classics; and I read frequently but this is just one resource. I still like the feel of books and settling down to read is relaxing and can help me switch off from general life for a while. But there are so many more resources online for an immediate answer.

So you can learn anything for free. But to learn about a specific subject such as photography or gardening, cake-making or a new language then I highly recommend

enrolling in a paid course. There are courses on every subject under the sun and the benefits are that you will be taught by a professional in a planned learning schedule. All the information will be together so you wont waste time on searching it out, and the information should be accurate so you won't have to decide what is correct or otherwise. And finally you'll be able to ask questions and set up a dialogue should you wish. 

Learn a new skill today. Find a course that covers something you want to learn or do and feel the satisfaction when you finish.

Here are my courses. Click on the image to go to the website